The expert was Ms. Shilpi Khandelwal, Founder and Director of a training organization popularly known as Tour de force. Shilpi talks about NLP extensively. The chat with the expert session was held on 20th of January.
Shilpi opens the session with a very interesting situation. In a small town of China, pingyao, there was a selection ceremony for the head monk. Two of them got selected. They criteria was – Who worked the maximum, showed great strength through the day would be the winner. One candidate started with loads of restructuring in the monastery. The other candidate just sat around and gazed. Who do you think was the winner and why? Who do you think was the winner and why?
When Shilpi asked this question, she got different answers; most of them said it would be the second candidate. When asked why you’ll think that the second candidate was a better choice? Shilpi got the entire answer from the group itself. By listening and observing leads to clarity brevity and accuracy it becomes more effective. Effective team leaders realize the importance of receiving communication in the right proportion. Present in the moment! one knows being in the proper sense. Being and doing goes hand in hand. But how many times were get carried away by doing. The MONK is you.
Shilpi went on to make some powerful statements such as,” We are evolved people. We have to take the brunt of chaotic thinking. NLP gives the method in madness.
With this fantastic opening the questions started to pour in.
Question: What percentage of Effectiveness can we give NLP in says Sales Management?
Shilpi : NLP is a hero and a villain too. We get into unhealthy practices. If used by people not having the foundation right. Remember if the relationship and trust of the client has to go hand in hand, Use NLP for probing, clarifying ambiguity but never influencing through anchors. Hypnosis is another aspect of NLP, which is used and misused in a lot of way. When I say never influencing -I mean by using cunning intelligence.
Question: what is the scientific basis of NLP. Is there a validated research to justify it?
Shilpi: 2 people Richard Bandler(mathematician and psychotherapist) and John Grinder (linguist) got curious. They both got together as their question was one..why people do what they do? They modelled the following therapist Dr Milton Erickson, father of modern therapy, Fritz Perls, creator of gestalt therapy, Virginia Satir, the mother of modern day family therapy. It is a feeling based, behaviorally designed and patterns are deciphered. Why and how we succeed or fail? So every experience we have has a meaning to the context and the behavior that follows. In NLP, every behavior has a positive intention.
Question: Do we have algorithms that can generate reports as to whether a person is visual, auditory or kinesthetic? Can different modalities be mapped to different professions? How does NLP help in mindfulness?
Shilpi: It’s the language pattern of the person that defines hours it her VAK
Question: Does early life conditioning impact NLP in any way?
Shilpi: Three minds are involved – Subconscious, conscious and unconscious mind. Unconscious mind is where the info is not available but the experiences deep seats are thoughts belief values and attitude. Child hood is a time when we experience a lot but forget too. That is why we must know what our children are going through. Their formative personality is structuring for future. NLP should be used for our own awareness first. What am I thinking and feeling and my behavior is it bringing the results I want. Parents, teachers and professionals all must be a part of it and to understand meta models and meta communication.
Question: Can different modalities be mapped to different professions? How does NLP help in mindfulness?
Shilpi: We are getting into technicalities which can be researched… It’s the language pattern of the person that defines his ot her VAK… Modalities can be known to have as info but I don’t corelate it with job profiling. We need to understand that a human being is dynamic by nature and his other competencies need to be mapped too. Why do I relate it with mindfulness? For it if the soft ware – mind that is different. Where as the hard ware – brain is the same…
And NLP makes you mindful on that. so want to say….mind it! Change – don’t know your name. I will take an example of my son, He is in class 10… And before his exams he gets terribly tensed. So I used the following methods
- Probed his fear – Through meta communication.
2. Lifted his fear through knowing 3 filters of generalization, distortion and deletion
3. Anchored home for success
4. He is auditory… So shared music of success by Anthony Robbins
And you can keep trying other methods too
Question: Why is NLP considered so synonymous with hypnotism? And is is used heavily in NLP?
Shilpi: My coach banes the idea and frankly we do embed information in the sub conscious mind but only after the coaches or trainees permission
Question: What are the benefits of NLP in business world? Why one should attend this training?
Shilpi: I found my various benefits in my business because of NLP. How to take challenges? Motivate my team, be patient, set definite outcomes and back track it to present with milestones to achieve. Anyone can be benefited. But remember apply to supply. Apply first on yourself and then take it forward to others.
Question: how is NLP different from coaching?
Shilpi: I am an NLP coach too and I realise it just narrows your focus to laser sharp out come and change. So NLP is used in one to one too. In training you do relate to behaviors but the connection to the feeling level is less. In NLP it identifies with thoughts, feelings, outcome and results. Training is 90% environmental and NLP balances both the environmental and thoughts well. Training is 90% environmental and NLP balances both environment and thoughts well.
Question: I have a strong resonance with Goleman that Self Discipline means “Cutting out Impulsive Thinking” which I call Mindfulness. How does this co relate with your understanding?
Shilpi: True… Anything that is useless you avoid or being devoid of filters of belief and perception is what you need to empty oneself. Impulsive thinking is based on past experience and no context and hence, deleted. Anything outside that travel inwards has to go through layers of acceptance in our value system, time context, and attitude. Once it fits in, It becomes your natural thinking. Impulsiveness in any aspect when recognised, comes in our awareness level and then you choose to let it stay or go according to usefulness.
Question: When u r mindful, you are being present in the moment – Impulsiveness occurs when you are not being aware of what you are doing isn’t it? You are just following your previous conditioning or getting influenced by past experience.
Shilpi: Back to basics. Being is must to understand our identity. Then our values and beliefs, which leads to our skill and capability. And that further leads to behaviours and finally our external references. Impulsiveness has no excuse. It has to go through a process of ownership. With 60000 thoughts running on our mind. Difficult to be in present state all the time
Yes but then that’s the challenge will accepted. If I want something in this lifetime, I need to know how and what it will cost. Apply the famous pain and pleasure theory. List down how I will benefit if I stay in the present and what will I lose if I continue the way it is Sub consciously telling the mind of the proof and cons in clear terms.